letter to R, cuts
Omg what you sayinnn that’s so not true your emotional life is way too serious to be a joke.
Jokes aside though, I’m sorry it feels so shit. Did break up get messy, or stay civil? You don’t have to talk about if you’d rather not it obviously (and i’m not just saying that cos i had a bit of a stiff upbringing) in any case I hope you’re okay. I’m sad you’re having these thoughts though , but I trust you did the right thing for you.
What else happened this week? How long have you been in Berlin? (JEALOUS)
I remember once travelling from Leipzig to Coventry after a four day bender. As I was going through London (takes like an hour) I lost my wallet (recovered), my drivers license (recovered) and a limited edition of Paradise Lost with (not recovered). I ran back to the shop where I left it (why was I in a shop) and ten minutes later the security guard was handing me over a card of a Narcotics Anonymous analogue he helps run because he used to be hooked etc. Good looking guy, seemed like he’d seen some shit. I should’ve just taken the fucking card tbh.
Moscow’s a bit shit, though kind of interesting. As you probably know, Putin just banned all foreign food from offending countries, some people r freakin out about their parmesan, or like the price of their groceries (for certain things like common types of red fish, already doubled) whilst 90% (not a literary trope but a figure estimated by several NGO opinion polls) are loving the action. It’s shit news for the russian producers as well, but the propaganda machine is going strong, keen to stir up as much nationalist fervour as is possible. It’s this perverse situation in which most people are losing out, but they feel Putin’s administration is on their side. Like in the early 00s when he politically displaced the oligarchy, moving his own crew into parliament and people felt he was challenging inequality, so now people believe a mercantile, autocratic, hands-on model of government is in their interests. Except there’s no one in power left but the current government themselves to displace (in that respect) anymore, so outside enemies must be named, and if necessary invented. Meanwhile, rumours about ‘what’s really going on’ are floating around in closed circles.. there’s some argument, but none of it is remotely productive or incensed enough for even a hint of resistance build up. My parents have stopped turning on the TV in the house. People come and go and crack jokes, but everyone’s scared. Globalization is over for us, they’re saying, some militantly pro, some almost praying for everything to blow over.
Sometimes, it’s kinda like living in a kaleidoscopd corridor where people whisper conspiracy theories, trying to pass them off for high-level analysis or some sort of objectivity. The word ‘clarity’ gets bandied about a lot.
Meanwhile, we drove through the city today and obvs its august so it’s kinda empty but all the advertising for foreign produce has been stripped down. Suddenly brandless, whole walls and billboards stand flat, ripped, blank. shopfronts sulking in limbo, billboards drained of electricity. the backhand of the global post washington consensus slap. Shelves are emptying out, and for all the talk about ‘making space for the russian farmers’ it’s clear as fucking day there’s fuck all logistics in place to even get the goods there in a meaningful quantity any time soon. Besides, there’s been no news of a programme to help local agriculture along. Tax relief for farmers is nowhere near what it is in europe, but people keep telling each other this is all good news. I’ve seen articles about how ‘we’ll breed the cows we need, and they’ll be better than the dutch cows’. Amidst the geopolitics hysteria, everything around u seems to be saying ‘look guys, this money first people next thing really doesn’t work’.
Sorry tat was really long and probably not that useful or interesting.
Just trying to distract you.. don’t want you being sad.
Tell me stuff.
Miss you too.